Okay, so this is turning into basically a recipe blog, so here's my recipe entry for this year's Strolling of the Heifers baking competition:

Maple Challah Loaves

By Eva M. Heater

Because I’m a musician by education and trade, I’ve had to do many things to support my music habit. One of them was working in a kosher bakery. I’d find myself braiding challahs at 4 a.m. Friday mornings, and thought I was a badass because I could do the six-braids really fast without even looking, even though I’m a card-carrying member of the goyim.* I learned the many delights of kosher baking back then, especially challah. What a delicious bread! It truly is manna from Heaven.

This recipe is my own adaptation of the large commercial recipe, with the unusual twist in adding maple syrup. It makes two loaves, or many hot cross buns, challah’s close relative. No matter what your personal beliefs, this bread is worth celebrating!

Ingredients:

          1 tablespoon SAF yeast, or 1 ½ packages of active dry yeast

          ¾ cup lukewarm water

          1 tablespoon malt syrup

          1 tablespoon bread salt from King Arthur Flour

          ½ cup of your favorite vegetable oil; choose one without a strong taste. I use canola oil

          4 large Pete & Gerry’s eggs, or 3 duck eggs from your neighbor, for extra richness!

          ¾ cup Grade B maple syrup from your favorite local sugar house**

          7-8 cups of King Arthur unbleached all-purpose flour, or King Arthur bread flour if you’re using a mixer

          1 more egg and 2 tablespoons water, for egg wash

          1 tablespoon of poppy or sesame seeds for the topping, if you want

*If you’re making this kosher, use kosher ingredients in a kosher kitchen, and I assume you know the drill. My kitchen is excruciatingly not kosher, largely because of shellfish and cheeseburgers and other stuff. Not being Jewish doesn’t help.

**There’s a new classification system for grading maple syrup. Grade B is now called “Grade A dark with a robust taste.” This is difficult to remember and I don’t think it will last long, so I’m still referring to it as Grade B.

Let’s do this thing:

1.    In your favorite large bread bowl, dissolve yeast and 1 tablespoon of malt syrup in ¾ cup lukewarm water. Let it sit for a couple of minutes to make the yeast happy. Yes, yes, I know that you don’t have to do this with instant yeast, but I do it anyway. Tough.

2.    Whisk the oil into the yeast mixture, then whisk in the 4 eggs, one at a time, then the ¾ cup maple syrup and 1 tablespoon bread salt. Mix thoroughly.

3.    Gradually add the flour, a cup or so at a time, until the dough holds together. If you’re using a mixer, start with the paddle, and switch to the dough hook when the dough gets thick enough. Creating bread, forming a living loaf, is a very personal thing. Use your best judgment about how much flour is enough. I find that the weather affects this noticeably; when it’s raining, I usually don’t need quite as much flour as when it’s dry. Also, more flour is usually needed in winter than in the summer.

4.    When the dough has reached the consistency you want, it’s time to knead. If you’re doing it by hand, turn the dough out onto a floured surface, and knead until smooth and satiny. If you’re using a mixer, knead for about 5 minutes.

5.    Place the beautiful golden dough into a large greased bowl, flip the dough to coat the top with grease, cover the bowl with plastic wrap, and let rise in a warm place until the dough has doubled in size, about an hour or so. Punch the dough down, cover, and let rise again for about 45 minutes. The flavor develops more during this second rise, so please don’t skip it. As it rises, you will already be able to smell the maple syrup, in addition to that wonderful yeasty smell that rising bread already gives off.

6.    At this point, you need to make a choice. Challah loaves have traditionally been intricately braided using 6 strips of dough. If you want to do this, and haven’t worked in a kosher bakery, there’s really good instructional YouTube videos that are easy to follow. (Use 6 socks bunched together with a chip clip to practice on, before you try it with actual dough. Trust me.) Or, you can use regular bread pans and not braid them. Divide the dough into two equal loaves, and if you’re braiding, divide each loaf into six equal pieces and have at it. When you’re done braiding, put each loaf on a baking sheet covered with parchment. If you’re using loaf pans, form each half into loaves, and put in the prepared pans.

7.    Cover the loaves with a lightweight kitchen towel and let them rise until almost doubled in size. About 10 minutes before you think they’re ready to bake, pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees. Make an egg wash with the extra egg and water, and coat each loaf thoroughly with egg wash. If you want to add sesame seeds or poppy seeds for topping, sprinkle it on top of the egg wash.

8.    Bake at 375 degrees for 35-45 minutes. Loaves are done when they are a beautiful golden brown, and they “thump” done (a family technique). Use your favorite method for judging done-ness. Cool loaves on a rack. Please try to control yourself and let the loaves cool before you start eating them. The subtle maple flavor makes this bread so very, very special!

Brownies

2/3 cup butter, melted

¾ cup cocoa

1 teaspoon baking soda

½ cup boiling water

2 cups sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 ½ cups flour

1 cup chocolate chips

1 cup chopped roasted walnuts

Mix cocoa with baking soda and half the melted butter, making a paste. Mix the boiling water into the paste gradually with a whisk, until the batter looks like rich chocolate frosting. Add sugar, eggs, the rest of the melted butter, and vanilla, and beat together with the whisk. Stir in flour with a rubber spatula. Mix in chips and walnuts—don’t do this until the flour is completely mixed in, or the batter will be too warm and will melt the chips. Spread in greased and floured 9 x 13 pan, preferably aluminum, as glass pans don’t work very well for this. Bake at 325 for 30-40 minutes, but check carefully, as this varies by oven. COOL COMPLETELY before cutting.

Eva’s totally excellent layered bread pudding

• Left-over bread, preferably including some Italian garlic bread, for the baked-in goodness; you will need about 8 cups of torn-apart bread. Whatever formerly soft white or light bread you have available will do, and the staler the better. You can mix in some whole-grain bread, but the bread total has to be at least half white bread
• 15-20 THIN slices of same bread (you need enough for two thin layers to cover the size of your baking dish)
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 4 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme
• 1 large garlic clove, minced

• 4 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 pound assorted fresh mushrooms (whichever ones you like, or what’s in season—morels come out in May, and are my favorites!!!), sliced
• 3/4 cups finely chopped shallots
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• 2-3 cloves of garlic, minced
• Chopped fresh herbs, to taste (whatever is in season; I like a combination of parsley, thyme, and chives)
• 8 oz. Liuzzi Cheese’s marscapone cheese
• 4 oz. of your favorite feta cheese, crumbled
• 8 oz. of Hood cottage cheese
• 1 egg
• Crumbled sweet Italian sausage, lightly sautéed

• 3 1/2 cups The Farmer’s Cow brand half-and-half; or, go to your favorite neighbor who milks Jersey cows, and get some raw Jersey milk, which works just as well
• 8 large Pete & Gerry’s eggs, or, if you have a neighbor with ducks that are laying, 6 duck eggs for extra rich goodness
• Salt, to taste (about 2 teaspoons)
• Freshly-ground black pepper, to taste
• 1 cup grated Cabot cheddar cheese (I like the Seriously Sharp or Hunter’s Cheddar, but use the one you like)

·         Preheat oven to 375°F. Butter 13 x 9 x 2-inch glass baking dish. Slice off the 15-20 thin slices of bread, and put aside. Rip apart bread into 1-inch cubes (about 10 cups loosely packed). Place cubes in very large bowl. Add oil, thyme, and garlic; toss to coat. Spread cubes out on large rimmed baking sheet. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Spread the thin slices of bread on another baking sheet, and put both in the oven. Bake the torn-apart bread until golden and slightly crunchy, stirring occasionally, about 20 minutes. Leave the bread slices in for another 10 minutes.

·         Melt butter in large frying pan over medium-high heat. Add mushrooms, onion, shallot, garlic, lemon juice, and herbs, and sauté until soft and the mushrooms’ juices have condensed, about 10 minutes. Add to the torn-apart bread and the mushrooms together into the very large bowl, and toss to coat.

·         Mix together the marscapone, feta, and cottage cheeses, egg, and sausage; put aside

·         Whisk half-and-half, eggs, salt, and ground pepper in large bowl. Mix custard into bread and mushrooms. Pour half into the prepared 9 x 13 dish. Cover this with half of the toasted bread slices. Spread the cheese mix over the bread slices evenly, then cover this with the rest of the bread slices, making the center layer. Pour the rest of the pudding over bread slice layer.

·         Preheat oven to 375°F. Bake pudding uncovered until almost set and the top is starting to become golden brown, about 45 minutes. Sprinkle the grated cheddar over the top, and bake until the cheese is melted and golden brown, about another 10-15 minutes. Remove from oven, let stand for 15 minutes before serving, and try not to pick at it.

Eva’s twenty-four hours of hell that turned into a really cool Big Lebowski moment

By Eva Marie Heater

          I was tired. I’d had a hell of a day. I dropped my wallet at the grocery check-out, and didn’t realize it until I got home. My cell phone rang, and a very nice police officer said that someone had turned it in to him, and to please come pick it up. Relieved, I rushed back there, and he asked me if I had any cash in there. I replied that I had, like, forty dollars, man. He said that it wasn’t in there. I checked and found that no one had taken any of my credit cards, driver’s license, or Yale ID (getting one of those replaced is FAR worse than going to any DMV), relayed that good news to the officer, and went home and took a bath; thankfully, no marmots were involved.

          The next day I had walked to work, but decided that I wanted to go somewhere right after, so I walked home in the afternoon and got my car and parked it downtown. After work I went over to my car, only to find that it had been booted by the police, because the city claimed that I hadn’t paid my car tax for the year. I had paid my taxes, but the tax office was closed by this time, so in order to get my car un-booted, I had to come up with A LOT of money for the towing company. This will not stand, man!

          I called my boyfriend and had him come pick me up, and we went and got the amount of money that was asked for on the ransom note left by the city. We found the towing place that put the boot on for the city, and they informed me that the city had called them and added more money to the amount owed, for no apparent reason. So we went to the grocery store, got a check cashed (using my Ralph’s card, of course), and went back to the towing place, where a line of people with the same issue had congregated.

          I waited patiently in line, paid the outrageous fee, and got a receipt. My boyfriend pulled out into the road, to take me to go wait by the car for the towing people to remove the boot, and at that point the most wonderful thing happened. The Eagles song Peaceful Easy Feeling was playing on the radio!!! We looked at each other and just started laughing. I’m just glad he didn’t throw me out of the car. And my Credence tapes were there.

It was one of those perfect moments.

©2014 by Eva M. Heater